A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: The Black Hole

Why won’t anyone help me? Day 41 of the Lockdown The evening that my wife stormed out to her mother’s with a suitcase of children’s clothes – the day I realised they had smuggled my children out from under my very nose – I went for a walk for my hour’s permitted exercise. I bumpedContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: The Black Hole”

A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: The Day I Lost my Children

Our support worker reiterated to Children’s Services that my wife wasn’t capable of looking after the children on her own due to multiple acts of negligence and abuse. I spoke to the social worker Sandi on the phone and told her all of my wife’s history – leaving the children unattended in the bathtub, sendingContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: The Day I Lost my Children”

A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: A Glimpse Behind the Mask

I’d like to say that telling others you’re being abused, and somehow finding the strength to leave, is the end of the fight. I’d like to say that the moment you stand up and declare you’re not going to be a victim anymore, things get easier. But this isn’t a fairy tale. If I thoughtContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: A Glimpse Behind the Mask”

A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Leaving my Abuser

Day 39 of the Lockdown There were five of us at the meeting – seven if you count the children: my daughter, aged 4, and my son, 2 – but I’d made them a den in the playroom and set them up with a movie so they’d be out of the way of what neededContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Leaving my Abuser”

Going cold turkey off antidepressants

Two weeks ago, in the midst of a major depressive episode, I decided to stop taking my antidepressant. I’d been on the same one for 17 years, with others added and removed every so often for the past 24. If Escitalopram worked, I reasoned in the depths of my despair, why was I still suffering?Continue reading “Going cold turkey off antidepressants”

Why don’t we have breakup rituals?

As a species, human beings depend upon rituals to make sense of the world. Back in the early days, it was sacrifices and rain dances, circumcisions and group chanting. More recently, it was debutant balls and wearing long trousers, bar mitzvahs and confirmation ceremonies. Today, it’s weddings and funerals, birthdays and Christmas, eggs at Easter,Continue reading “Why don’t we have breakup rituals?”

Breaking Away from Abuse

Leaving an abusive relationship is never easy. It’s even worse when you still love the person. When you’ve shared time, shared vows, shared a home, shared children, shared dreams for the future, making the decision to walk away because you know the relationship isn’t healthy and they will eventually kill you, is heartbreaking. When youContinue reading “Breaking Away from Abuse”

The Worst Hell

When I was a much younger man, I believed I knew something about heaven and hell. Heaven was waking up on a Sunday morning beside the person I loved with no plans for the day. Hell was waking up on a Sunday morning beside the person I loved, knowing that she didn’t love me back.Continue reading “The Worst Hell”

Asking for help

Asking for help isn’t easy. It’s hard to admit that you’re being abused, hard to admit that you’re struggling with your mental health and you can’t cope anymore. When you’re having suicidal thoughts, when you’re fighting the urge to burn yourself and cut yourself, you’re terrified that if you admit it, people will think you’reContinue reading “Asking for help”

Abusers Abuse

Abusers abuse. They abuse because they’re abusers, and they’re abusers because they abuse. I know this is a circular argument, but it’s the safest way to think of them. They are the spider, and you are the fly. Anything beyond that, and you make yourself vulnerable. In my talks with other survivors of domestic abuse,Continue reading “Abusers Abuse”