Do abused men not matter?

My domestic abuse support group was cancelled two months ago. Let me make that clearer: the only support group for male survivors of domestic abuse for at least a hundred miles suddenly and unexpectedly abandoned us. There was no warning, no fanfare, no real explanation. On the day of the group, mere hours before itContinue reading “Do abused men not matter?”

Understanding Controlling and Coercive Behaviour (by a survivor)

Everything you want to ask What is Coercive Control? Controlling or Coercive Behaviour in an Intimate of Family Relationship became a crime in the UK in 2015. In short, Controlling Behaviour is a pattern of acts where an abuser makes their victim subordinate to and dependant upon them – very much a master/slave dichotomy –Continue reading “Understanding Controlling and Coercive Behaviour (by a survivor)”

Male Tears: Recovering from Abuse

I’ve always considered myself a modern man. I’ve never been afraid to get in touch with my feminine side, I love talking about feelings and relationships, and all my best friends are women. I don’t have a killer instinct, I don’t like confrontation or aggression, and I’ve never understood the obsession with competitive sports. IContinue reading “Male Tears: Recovering from Abuse”

Abuse and PTSD

At the end of December, I received a letter from my psychiatrist that spelled out, in black and white, that I have been formally diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of the abuse I suffered during my marriage. It was the first time after leaving her – the first time in nineteenContinue reading “Abuse and PTSD”

Should you be the bigger man?

A united front for the children Despite being the victim of quite hideous abuse from my former wife, I’ve been told several times recently that I need to show a united front for our children. For their sake, I have been urged to put aside my differences with her, yet my protestations that this isContinue reading “Should you be the bigger man?”

Come home, daddy

What can I say? When my children ask me to come home, what can I say? ‘I’m sorry, kids, but your mum abused me to the point I had to be removed for my own welfare to a place of safety. If I go back, I would end up dead. She would make sure ofContinue reading “Come home, daddy”

A Letter to my Abusive Ex

The words I can never say To my ex-wife, the mother of my children, my best friend and the one I wanted to spend my life with. It has now been 18-months since that fateful weekend when my entire life fell apart. It has been the longest, hardest year-and-a-half I have ever experienced. I haveContinue reading “A Letter to my Abusive Ex”

Weekend Dad: A Victim of Abuse

We hear a lot about the struggles of single motherhood and the horrors of deadbeat dads, but what about the good dads who love their children very much, but only get to see them every second weekend? This is what it’s like: I have my children and everything slots into place. Everything feels right. They’reContinue reading “Weekend Dad: A Victim of Abuse”

Controlling the Narrative: Abusers and their Stories

How can you twist things so badly? I have recently been divorced by my abuser on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour. It comes as no surprise, given that abusers will do anything to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, but it still hurts. Abusers will always discredit their victims. Even if they don’t actContinue reading “Controlling the Narrative: Abusers and their Stories”

Police Corruption and Coercive Control

Some are more equal than others After the police dropped the investigation into my wife for Controlling and Coercive Behaviour without looking at any evidence or speaking to any witnesses, it almost killed me. In my anger and despair, I lashed out at everyone that had failed me. I complained to Social Services about theContinue reading “Police Corruption and Coercive Control”