Saying “no” to an abuser, part 2: case study

To explain how the techniques discussed in Part 1 play out in real life, my recent experiences provide a useful case study in what can happen when you say “no” to an abuser – even one you no longer live with. Denial, manipulation, emotional blackmail, gaslighting, forced concessions, false misunderstandings, punishment by proxy – sheContinue reading “Saying “no” to an abuser, part 2: case study”

Co-parenting with an abuser

Co-parenting with an abuser isn’t co-parenting: it’s a war. Abusers – sociopaths, narcissists, borderlines – can’t relate to other people, can’t feel empathy, and have no restraints on how they treat others. Lacking meaningful, reciprocal, loving relationships, their lives are reduced to one thing: winning. For them to win, somebody has to lose. Unfortunately, thatContinue reading “Co-parenting with an abuser”

Abuse 101: using children as weapons

I said “no” to my ex the other day. She sent me a string of nasty texts, but couldn’t hurt me directly. So instead, she took it out on my children. Abusers use any means at their disposal to control, coerce, belittle, humiliate, degrade and damage you. They know that your children present a weakContinue reading “Abuse 101: using children as weapons”

Come home, daddy

What can I say? When my children ask me to come home, what can I say? ‘I’m sorry, kids, but your mum abused me to the point I had to be removed for my own welfare to a place of safety. If I go back, I would end up dead. She would make sure ofContinue reading “Come home, daddy”

Weekend Dad: A Victim of Abuse

We hear a lot about the struggles of single motherhood and the horrors of deadbeat dads, but what about the good dads who love their children very much, but only get to see them every second weekend? This is what it’s like: I have my children and everything slots into place. Everything feels right. They’reContinue reading “Weekend Dad: A Victim of Abuse”

A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Trauma

As a victim of abuse, you have a blind spot towards what’s really going on. What’s obvious to anybody else on the outside isn’t so clear when you’re inside an abusive relationship. Your abuser has so many holds on you – on your thoughts and your emotions, on how you see the world and yourContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Trauma”