To explain how the techniques discussed in Part 1 play out in real life, my recent experiences provide a useful case study in what can happen when you say “no” to an abuser – even one you no longer live with. Denial, manipulation, emotional blackmail, gaslighting, forced concessions, false misunderstandings, punishment by proxy – sheContinue reading “Saying “no” to an abuser, part 2: case study”
Tag Archives: Coercive Control
Abuse 101: using children as weapons
I said “no” to my ex the other day. She sent me a string of nasty texts, but couldn’t hurt me directly. So instead, she took it out on my children. Abusers use any means at their disposal to control, coerce, belittle, humiliate, degrade and damage you. They know that your children present a weakContinue reading “Abuse 101: using children as weapons”
Do abused men not matter?
My domestic abuse support group was cancelled two months ago. Let me make that clearer: the only support group for male survivors of domestic abuse for at least a hundred miles suddenly and unexpectedly abandoned us. There was no warning, no fanfare, no real explanation. On the day of the group, mere hours before itContinue reading “Do abused men not matter?”
Male Tears: Recovering from Abuse
I’ve always considered myself a modern man. I’ve never been afraid to get in touch with my feminine side, I love talking about feelings and relationships, and all my best friends are women. I don’t have a killer instinct, I don’t like confrontation or aggression, and I’ve never understood the obsession with competitive sports. IContinue reading “Male Tears: Recovering from Abuse”
Should you be the bigger man?
A united front for the children Despite being the victim of quite hideous abuse from my former wife, I’ve been told several times recently that I need to show a united front for our children. For their sake, I have been urged to put aside my differences with her, yet my protestations that this isContinue reading “Should you be the bigger man?”
A Letter to my Abusive Ex
The words I can never say To my ex-wife, the mother of my children, my best friend and the one I wanted to spend my life with. It has now been 18-months since that fateful weekend when my entire life fell apart. It has been the longest, hardest year-and-a-half I have ever experienced. I haveContinue reading “A Letter to my Abusive Ex”
Controlling the Narrative: Abusers and their Stories
How can you twist things so badly? I have recently been divorced by my abuser on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour. It comes as no surprise, given that abusers will do anything to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, but it still hurts. Abusers will always discredit their victims. Even if they don’t actContinue reading “Controlling the Narrative: Abusers and their Stories”
Why I reported my abuser to the police
You left me with no choice As therapy for myself, a couple of week after leaving my wife, I thought I’d put all the diary entries, text messages and emails I’d written asking for help over the years into a single document. I thought it might take me a day or two. It took weeks.Continue reading “Why I reported my abuser to the police”
A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Trauma
As a victim of abuse, you have a blind spot towards what’s really going on. What’s obvious to anybody else on the outside isn’t so clear when you’re inside an abusive relationship. Your abuser has so many holds on you – on your thoughts and your emotions, on how you see the world and yourContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Trauma”
A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Fleeing the Cage
Day 42 of the Lockdown Alone in the house without my children, waiting to be kicked out, I descended into darkness as all the memories of my wife’s abuse rose up to overwhelm me. While I was in this state, I got a text from my wife asking how I was. ‘Fine,’ I replied. ‘How’sContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Fleeing the Cage”
The Abused Man 