Abusers Abuse

Abusers abuse. They abuse because they’re abusers, and they’re abusers because they abuse. I know this is a circular argument, but it’s the safest way to think of them. They are the spider, and you are the fly. Anything beyond that, and you make yourself vulnerable. In my talks with other survivors of domestic abuse,Continue reading “Abusers Abuse”

A New Model of Mental Healthcare

This is a plea to anybody who works in mental health: the psychiatrists, psychologists, CPNs, case managers, social workers, GPs, counsellors and psychotherapists. It is a plea to anybody in a position of power: politicians, CEOs, celebrities, public servants, journalists, writers, bloggers and influencers. It is a plea on behalf of all those affected byContinue reading “A New Model of Mental Healthcare”

The ‘Caring’ Profession?

I’ve been trying to see a doctor for 13 months. During that time, I’ve lost my marriage, my children, my home and my health. My hair fell out in clumps; my body is covered in boils; and I’m traumatised by the ten years of abuse I suffered. Worse: I was retraumatised every time I hadContinue reading “The ‘Caring’ Profession?”

Going Back to Your Abuser

Abusers don’t change. They might appear to; they might promise to; they might even give you guarantees. But they’re only showing you what you want to see. I said in The Narcissist’s Call that I understand why people go back to their abusers. They sing a siren’s song, luring you onto the rocks. They’re anContinue reading “Going Back to Your Abuser”

Living with a Personality Disorder

Two years before I had to be removed from the marital home for my own safety, my wife discovered her old school reports in a box. She gave them to me and went to bed, and I spent the next couple of hours poring through them, growing more and more horrified, and angrier than I’dContinue reading “Living with a Personality Disorder”

Victim-blaming and Coercive Control

A year before I left my wife, I read a book by Matt Wesolowski that disturbed me to my very core. On the surface, Changeling is a supernatural-chiller-cum-crime-mystery, but by the end you realise it’s about something else entirely, something that only becomes clear as you peel back the layers of lies and misdirection andContinue reading “Victim-blaming and Coercive Control”

Depression and Identity

In my early teens, I was big into surfing. I wore surf clothes, read surf magazines, thought about surfing all the time. Every chance I got, I went out on the board. One day, after riding a wave, I had a sudden thought that came out of nowhere, a question of life-changing importance: Am IContinue reading “Depression and Identity”

The Narcissist’s Call

‘Do you still love me?’ ‘Do you miss me?’ ‘I just wanted to check on how you’re doing?’ ‘Did you have a good day today?’ ‘Did you remember it’s our wedding anniversary?’ I know why abuse survivors go back to their abusers. It isn’t weakness or stupidity. It’s because you live inside a cage, desperateContinue reading “The Narcissist’s Call”