Controlling the Narrative: Abusers and their Stories

How can you twist things so badly? I have recently been divorced by my abuser on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour. It comes as no surprise, given that abusers will do anything to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, but it still hurts. Abusers will always discredit their victims. Even if they don’t actContinue reading “Controlling the Narrative: Abusers and their Stories”

Police Corruption and Coercive Control

Some are more equal than others After the police dropped the investigation into my wife for Controlling and Coercive Behaviour without looking at any evidence or speaking to any witnesses, it almost killed me. In my anger and despair, I lashed out at everyone that had failed me. I complained to Social Services about theContinue reading “Police Corruption and Coercive Control”

Sexism, Injustice, and Coercive Control: How the Police failed me as the male victim of a female abuser

A Tale of Two Police Forces I was in a support session when I spoke to the police officer on the phone. I told him what had happened for ten years; what was continuing to happen. He said that as it was an initial call, he could only focus on a few specific details. IContinue reading “Sexism, Injustice, and Coercive Control: How the Police failed me as the male victim of a female abuser”

Why I reported my abuser to the police

You left me with no choice As therapy for myself, a couple of week after leaving my wife, I thought I’d put all the diary entries, text messages and emails I’d written asking for help over the years into a single document. I thought it might take me a day or two. It took weeks.Continue reading “Why I reported my abuser to the police”

A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Trauma

As a victim of abuse, you have a blind spot towards what’s really going on. What’s obvious to anybody else on the outside isn’t so clear when you’re inside an abusive relationship. Your abuser has so many holds on you – on your thoughts and your emotions, on how you see the world and yourContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Trauma”

A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Fleeing the Cage

Day 42 of the Lockdown Alone in the house without my children, waiting to be kicked out, I descended into darkness as all the memories of my wife’s abuse rose up to overwhelm me. While I was in this state, I got a text from my wife asking how I was. ‘Fine,’ I replied. ‘How’sContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Fleeing the Cage”

A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: The Black Hole

Why won’t anyone help me? Day 41 of the Lockdown The evening that my wife stormed out to her mother’s with a suitcase of children’s clothes – the day I realised they had smuggled my children out from under my very nose – I went for a walk for my hour’s permitted exercise. I bumpedContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: The Black Hole”

A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: The Day I Lost my Children

Our support worker reiterated to Children’s Services that my wife wasn’t capable of looking after the children on her own due to multiple acts of negligence and abuse. I spoke to the social worker Sandi on the phone and told her all of my wife’s history – leaving the children unattended in the bathtub, sendingContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: The Day I Lost my Children”

A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: A Glimpse Behind the Mask

I’d like to say that telling others you’re being abused, and somehow finding the strength to leave, is the end of the fight. I’d like to say that the moment you stand up and declare you’re not going to be a victim anymore, things get easier. But this isn’t a fairy tale. If I thoughtContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: A Glimpse Behind the Mask”

A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Leaving my Abuser

Day 39 of the Lockdown There were five of us at the meeting – seven if you count the children: my daughter, aged 4, and my son, 2 – but I’d made them a den in the playroom and set them up with a movie so they’d be out of the way of what neededContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Leaving my Abuser”