To explain how the techniques discussed in Part 1 play out in real life, my recent experiences provide a useful case study in what can happen when you say “no” to an abuser – even one you no longer live with. Denial, manipulation, emotional blackmail, gaslighting, forced concessions, false misunderstandings, punishment by proxy – sheContinue reading “Saying “no” to an abuser, part 2: case study”
Tag Archives: Narcissism
Saying “no” to an abuser, part 1
Saying “no” to an abuser is always a red flag to a bull. It takes guts to say it, knowing that this simple word will result in an explosion, at a time to be determined by another. But saying it is something we must do if we don’t want others continually damaging us. “No” mightContinue reading “Saying “no” to an abuser, part 1″
Co-parenting with an abuser
Co-parenting with an abuser isn’t co-parenting: it’s a war. Abusers – sociopaths, narcissists, borderlines – can’t relate to other people, can’t feel empathy, and have no restraints on how they treat others. Lacking meaningful, reciprocal, loving relationships, their lives are reduced to one thing: winning. For them to win, somebody has to lose. Unfortunately, thatContinue reading “Co-parenting with an abuser”
PTSD Hyperarousal / Hypervigilance
I’m in imminent danger of physical attack. I don’t know where it’s coming from. I don’t know who is doing it. But within the next few seconds I’m going to have to make a choice between fight or flight. My body is flushed with epinephrine and noradrenaline. My heart pounds, my muscles jitter, I feelContinue reading “PTSD Hyperarousal / Hypervigilance”
Abuse Recovery: when you fall for it again
As time goes on, you dare to believe that life is getting better. Things calm down with your abuser. They start acting like a reasonable, rational person and you no longer dread the sight of them at childcare handovers and sports day. You become comfortable with the way things are. It’s not what you wanted,Continue reading “Abuse Recovery: when you fall for it again”
Should you be the bigger man?
A united front for the children Despite being the victim of quite hideous abuse from my former wife, I’ve been told several times recently that I need to show a united front for our children. For their sake, I have been urged to put aside my differences with her, yet my protestations that this isContinue reading “Should you be the bigger man?”
A Letter to my Abusive Ex
The words I can never say To my ex-wife, the mother of my children, my best friend and the one I wanted to spend my life with. It has now been 18-months since that fateful weekend when my entire life fell apart. It has been the longest, hardest year-and-a-half I have ever experienced. I haveContinue reading “A Letter to my Abusive Ex”
Weekend Dad: A Victim of Abuse
We hear a lot about the struggles of single motherhood and the horrors of deadbeat dads, but what about the good dads who love their children very much, but only get to see them every second weekend? This is what it’s like: I have my children and everything slots into place. Everything feels right. They’reContinue reading “Weekend Dad: A Victim of Abuse”
Controlling the Narrative: Abusers and their Stories
How can you twist things so badly? I have recently been divorced by my abuser on the grounds of my unreasonable behaviour. It comes as no surprise, given that abusers will do anything to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, but it still hurts. Abusers will always discredit their victims. Even if they don’t actContinue reading “Controlling the Narrative: Abusers and their Stories”
A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Trauma
As a victim of abuse, you have a blind spot towards what’s really going on. What’s obvious to anybody else on the outside isn’t so clear when you’re inside an abusive relationship. Your abuser has so many holds on you – on your thoughts and your emotions, on how you see the world and yourContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Trauma”
The Abused Man 