Saying “no” to an abuser, part 1

Saying “no” to an abuser is always a red flag to a bull. It takes guts to say it, knowing that this simple word will result in an explosion, at a time to be determined by another. But saying it is something we must do if we don’t want others continually damaging us. “No” mightContinue reading “Saying “no” to an abuser, part 1″

Do abused men not matter?

My domestic abuse support group was cancelled two months ago. Let me make that clearer: the only support group for male survivors of domestic abuse for at least a hundred miles suddenly and unexpectedly abandoned us. There was no warning, no fanfare, no real explanation. On the day of the group, mere hours before itContinue reading “Do abused men not matter?”

Male Tears: Recovering from Abuse

I’ve always considered myself a modern man. I’ve never been afraid to get in touch with my feminine side, I love talking about feelings and relationships, and all my best friends are women. I don’t have a killer instinct, I don’t like confrontation or aggression, and I’ve never understood the obsession with competitive sports. IContinue reading “Male Tears: Recovering from Abuse”

Should you be the bigger man?

A united front for the children Despite being the victim of quite hideous abuse from my former wife, I’ve been told several times recently that I need to show a united front for our children. For their sake, I have been urged to put aside my differences with her, yet my protestations that this isContinue reading “Should you be the bigger man?”

A Letter to my Abusive Ex

The words I can never say To my ex-wife, the mother of my children, my best friend and the one I wanted to spend my life with. It has now been 18-months since that fateful weekend when my entire life fell apart. It has been the longest, hardest year-and-a-half I have ever experienced. I haveContinue reading “A Letter to my Abusive Ex”

Sexism, Injustice, and Coercive Control: How the Police failed me as the male victim of a female abuser

A Tale of Two Police Forces I was in a support session when I spoke to the police officer on the phone. I told him what had happened for ten years; what was continuing to happen. He said that as it was an initial call, he could only focus on a few specific details. IContinue reading “Sexism, Injustice, and Coercive Control: How the Police failed me as the male victim of a female abuser”

Why I reported my abuser to the police

You left me with no choice As therapy for myself, a couple of week after leaving my wife, I thought I’d put all the diary entries, text messages and emails I’d written asking for help over the years into a single document. I thought it might take me a day or two. It took weeks.Continue reading “Why I reported my abuser to the police”

A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Trauma

As a victim of abuse, you have a blind spot towards what’s really going on. What’s obvious to anybody else on the outside isn’t so clear when you’re inside an abusive relationship. Your abuser has so many holds on you – on your thoughts and your emotions, on how you see the world and yourContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Trauma”

A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Fleeing the Cage

Day 42 of the Lockdown Alone in the house without my children, waiting to be kicked out, I descended into darkness as all the memories of my wife’s abuse rose up to overwhelm me. While I was in this state, I got a text from my wife asking how I was. ‘Fine,’ I replied. ‘How’sContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Fleeing the Cage”

A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: The Black Hole

Why won’t anyone help me? Day 41 of the Lockdown The evening that my wife stormed out to her mother’s with a suitcase of children’s clothes – the day I realised they had smuggled my children out from under my very nose – I went for a walk for my hour’s permitted exercise. I bumpedContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: The Black Hole”