The Worst Hell

When I was a much younger man, I believed I knew something about heaven and hell. Heaven was waking up on a Sunday morning beside the person I loved with no plans for the day. Hell was waking up on a Sunday morning beside the person I loved, knowing that she didn’t love me back.Continue reading “The Worst Hell”

Abusers Abuse

Abusers abuse. They abuse because they’re abusers, and they’re abusers because they abuse. I know this is a circular argument, but it’s the safest way to think of them. They are the spider, and you are the fly. Anything beyond that, and you make yourself vulnerable. In my talks with other survivors of domestic abuse,Continue reading “Abusers Abuse”

Victim-blaming and Coercive Control

A year before I left my wife, I read a book by Matt Wesolowski that disturbed me to my very core. On the surface, Changeling is a supernatural-chiller-cum-crime-mystery, but by the end you realise it’s about something else entirely, something that only becomes clear as you peel back the layers of lies and misdirection andContinue reading “Victim-blaming and Coercive Control”

The Narcissist’s Call

‘Do you still love me?’ ‘Do you miss me?’ ‘I just wanted to check on how you’re doing?’ ‘Did you have a good day today?’ ‘Did you remember it’s our wedding anniversary?’ I know why abuse survivors go back to their abusers. It isn’t weakness or stupidity. It’s because you live inside a cage, desperateContinue reading “The Narcissist’s Call”

Deciding to Leave an Abusive Relationship

Your abuser controls your perceptions of the world for so long, erodes your sense of self to such a degree, that you’re not sure of anything. I kept asking myself if I was making it up; if I was causing it; if what I thought was happening was really happening. At what point does awkwardContinue reading “Deciding to Leave an Abusive Relationship”

The Confusion of Being Abused

When you’re in an abusive relationship, what’s so clear to everyone else on the outside isn’t so clear to you. Your abuser has so many holds on you – on your thoughts and your emotions, on how you see the world and your place in it – that you can’t get a handle on what’sContinue reading “The Confusion of Being Abused”

Why I Started This Blog

One year ago, my life fell apart. My wife had been physically, mentally and emotionally abusing me for ten years, and it reached the point where she was actively undermining me with the children, locking me out of the house, telling me she would never let me leave her, threatening to deny me access toContinue reading “Why I Started This Blog”