Why won’t anyone help me? Day 41 of the Lockdown The evening that my wife stormed out to her mother’s with a suitcase of children’s clothes – the day I realised they had smuggled my children out from under my very nose – I went for a walk for my hour’s permitted exercise. I bumpedContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: The Black Hole”
Tag Archives: Coercive Control
A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: The Day I Lost my Children
Our support worker reiterated to Children’s Services that my wife wasn’t capable of looking after the children on her own due to multiple acts of negligence and abuse. I spoke to the social worker Sandi on the phone and told her all of my wife’s history – leaving the children unattended in the bathtub, sendingContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: The Day I Lost my Children”
A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: A Glimpse Behind the Mask
I’d like to say that telling others you’re being abused, and somehow finding the strength to leave, is the end of the fight. I’d like to say that the moment you stand up and declare you’re not going to be a victim anymore, things get easier. But this isn’t a fairy tale. If I thoughtContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: A Glimpse Behind the Mask”
A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Leaving my Abuser
Day 39 of the Lockdown There were five of us at the meeting – seven if you count the children: my daughter, aged 4, and my son, 2 – but I’d made them a den in the playroom and set them up with a movie so they’d be out of the way of what neededContinue reading “A Male Survivor of Domestic Abuse: Leaving my Abuser”
Asking for help
Asking for help isn’t easy. It’s hard to admit that you’re being abused, hard to admit that you’re struggling with your mental health and you can’t cope anymore. When you’re having suicidal thoughts, when you’re fighting the urge to burn yourself and cut yourself, you’re terrified that if you admit it, people will think you’reContinue reading “Asking for help”
The ‘Caring’ Profession?
I’ve been trying to see a doctor for 13 months. During that time, I’ve lost my marriage, my children, my home and my health. My hair fell out in clumps; my body is covered in boils; and I’m traumatised by the ten years of abuse I suffered. Worse: I was retraumatised every time I hadContinue reading “The ‘Caring’ Profession?”
Victim-blaming and Coercive Control
A year before I left my wife, I read a book by Matt Wesolowski that disturbed me to my very core. On the surface, Changeling is a supernatural-chiller-cum-crime-mystery, but by the end you realise it’s about something else entirely, something that only becomes clear as you peel back the layers of lies and misdirection andContinue reading “Victim-blaming and Coercive Control”
Being Hit
The violence of being hit isn’t about the pain or the damage caused. She used to hit me when she was angry – normally an overarm thump with the bottom of her fist – and she kicked me in the shins, bent my fingers back, dug in her fingernails, threw things at my head andContinue reading “Being Hit”
The Narcissist’s Call
‘Do you still love me?’ ‘Do you miss me?’ ‘I just wanted to check on how you’re doing?’ ‘Did you have a good day today?’ ‘Did you remember it’s our wedding anniversary?’ I know why abuse survivors go back to their abusers. It isn’t weakness or stupidity. It’s because you live inside a cage, desperateContinue reading “The Narcissist’s Call”
The Confusion of Being Abused
When you’re in an abusive relationship, what’s so clear to everyone else on the outside isn’t so clear to you. Your abuser has so many holds on you – on your thoughts and your emotions, on how you see the world and your place in it – that you can’t get a handle on what’sContinue reading “The Confusion of Being Abused”
The Abused Man 