This is a plea to anybody who works in mental health: the psychiatrists, psychologists, CPNs, case managers, social workers, GPs, counsellors and psychotherapists. It is a plea to anybody in a position of power: politicians, CEOs, celebrities, public servants, journalists, writers, bloggers and influencers. It is a plea on behalf of all those affected byContinue reading “A New Model of Mental Healthcare”
Category Archives: Domestic Abuse
The ‘Caring’ Profession?
I’ve been trying to see a doctor for 13 months. During that time, I’ve lost my marriage, my children, my home and my health. My hair fell out in clumps; my body is covered in boils; and I’m traumatised by the ten years of abuse I suffered. Worse: I was retraumatised every time I hadContinue reading “The ‘Caring’ Profession?”
Men Suffer Too
Going Back to Your Abuser
Abusers don’t change. They might appear to; they might promise to; they might even give you guarantees. But they’re only showing you what you want to see. I said in The Narcissist’s Call that I understand why people go back to their abusers. They sing a siren’s song, luring you onto the rocks. They’re anContinue reading “Going Back to Your Abuser”
Living with a Personality Disorder
Two years before I had to be removed from the marital home for my own safety, my wife discovered her old school reports in a box. She gave them to me and went to bed, and I spent the next couple of hours poring through them, growing more and more horrified, and angrier than I’dContinue reading “Living with a Personality Disorder”
Victim-blaming and Coercive Control
A year before I left my wife, I read a book by Matt Wesolowski that disturbed me to my very core. On the surface, Changeling is a supernatural-chiller-cum-crime-mystery, but by the end you realise it’s about something else entirely, something that only becomes clear as you peel back the layers of lies and misdirection andContinue reading “Victim-blaming and Coercive Control”
Being Hit
The violence of being hit isn’t about the pain or the damage caused. She used to hit me when she was angry – normally an overarm thump with the bottom of her fist – and she kicked me in the shins, bent my fingers back, dug in her fingernails, threw things at my head andContinue reading “Being Hit”
The Narcissist’s Call
‘Do you still love me?’ ‘Do you miss me?’ ‘I just wanted to check on how you’re doing?’ ‘Did you have a good day today?’ ‘Did you remember it’s our wedding anniversary?’ I know why abuse survivors go back to their abusers. It isn’t weakness or stupidity. It’s because you live inside a cage, desperateContinue reading “The Narcissist’s Call”
Deciding to Leave an Abusive Relationship
Your abuser controls your perceptions of the world for so long, erodes your sense of self to such a degree, that you’re not sure of anything. I kept asking myself if I was making it up; if I was causing it; if what I thought was happening was really happening. At what point does awkwardContinue reading “Deciding to Leave an Abusive Relationship”
The Confusion of Being Abused
When you’re in an abusive relationship, what’s so clear to everyone else on the outside isn’t so clear to you. Your abuser has so many holds on you – on your thoughts and your emotions, on how you see the world and your place in it – that you can’t get a handle on what’sContinue reading “The Confusion of Being Abused”
The Abused Man 